Bruce & Jack
By: Kevin Ren
Gotham Assisted Living Division 9C
“Honestly, Bruce, how’d you find me?”
“What kinda q- You know damn well I’m capable Jack! I’m 70, but still!”
“I got a feelin’ you came here to spy on me, or hell, maybe lecture me!”
“No, no, no, no, no, I’m here for your company, that’s all.”
“Does that mean you finally quit? No more ‘night shifts’?”
“Nnnope! Just running charities and fundraisers now.”
“Aww~ that suits you! Can’t say the same, though, Bruce, I’m wreaking havoc in here.”
“Oh, here we go.”
“Ya see, I pretend I’ve gone deaf to ignore those noisy-ass nurses. They call me for meds and shots- I don’t hear a damn thing! They get mad at me alllll the time, hahaha!”
“Tch. Once a clown, always a clown, eh?”
“Yeah. But, besides that, I’m actually writing a book.”
“Really?! About what?”
“That uh… quintessential relationship between anarchy and evolution, how they facilitate and complement each other-”
“Jesus, Jack! Back to the same old shit? Why bother?”
“I’m all skin and bones now, Bruce! I’m on a literal ‘deadline’ to finish this.”
“No, no, no, listen! Enough’s enough! You’ve… inspired a whole generation! Ya oughta be proud of that! Now’s the time to sit back, relax-”
“Oh, please! I’m passionate, alright? You ain’t gotta worry anyways, it’s just writing.”
“I know, I know… Fine, I’m sorry. It’s nice that you’re keeping busy, Jack.”
“Hell yeah! Flowin’ my thoughts from pen to paper, Bruce. It’s refreshing!”
And now, sports. The Gotham Knights took home a decisive win in Minnesota, sweeping the Falcons 20 to 0! Stay tuned for our exclusive interview with baseball legend Henry Callum-
“Look at us, face-to-face, under the same roof, sippin’ apple juice. Unbelievable, ain’t it?”
“Heh. This is the life, brother, our ‘golden era’.”
“And to think we were such narcissistic, self-righteous bastards! Thank god we're through with all that... torment, ya know?”
“Oh, yeah! Fuck the past, Jack. Time heals.”
“It does! I mean, after five fuckin’ decades, I’m actually out for good!”
“Yeah! And look, I’m happy for you, but I gotta say, my NSA guys were furious!”
“Well, I mean, I spent months erasin’ everything! Physical, digital, metaphysical, you name it. It ain’t possible for them to build a case on me now.”
“They’re gonna give up, Jack. Everybody moves on… eventually.”
“Right, so listen. If we’re both tired of coding for the ‘greater good’, we could go teach at Carnegie Mellon, or somewhere local, if you want.”
“Sure! Why n-”
We interrupt this program with breaking news! Batman and Joker have just been spotted in the east side of Gotham University. Here is live footage of The Dark Knight chasing down his archnemesis across campus. Following a chain of explosions, police have confirmed the deaths of 17 students and three teachers. Stay tuned for updates on this story. I’m Vicky V-
“Jesus fuckin’ Christ, back at it again with those caped assholes!”
“Ugh, I’m sick of ‘em, Jack! Every week they wreck the city tryin’ to kill each other, over and over and fucking over! When are they gonna grow the hell up?!”
“Shit, who knows? Maybe never, Bruce! Maybe they’re immortal!”
“HA! Now, that, my friend, that would be ‘super-tragic’.”